50+ Pirate Jokes That’ll Shiver Your Funny Bone ⚓️🦜

Get ready to laugh out loud with these punny pirate jokes! Whether you’re a kid, a teacher, or just love pirate humor, this list is for you.

From pirate one-liners to yo ho ho jokes, we’ve packed in clean laughs, silly sayings, and even some flirty lines! Perfect for Talk Like a Pirate Day, parties, or just for fun. So grab your eye patch, say “Arrr!”, and enjoy the hilarious pirate jokes below!

☠️ Pirate One-Liner Jokes

1. Why did the pirate go to school? To improve his “arrrticulation”!
2. I told my pirate friend to stop singing sea shanties. He said, “I can’t help meself, matey!”
3. What’s a pirate’s favorite subject? Arrrrt!
4. Never date a pirate. They’re too hooked.
5. My pirate friend failed his driving test. He couldn’t steer right!
6. Pirates don’t shower—they just wash up on shore.
7. What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved!
8. I asked the pirate for a joke. He said, “I’m planking on it!”
9. What’s a pirate’s least favorite vegetable? Leeks in the boat!
10. Why did the pirate avoid the seafood buffet? Too many fishy deals.
11. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Ship-hop!
12. The pirate got a job at the bakery—he was great at plundering dough!

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🧔 Pirate Jokes for Adults

1. Why don’t pirates use online dating? Too many catfish.
2. Ever seen a pirate flirt? It’s all “Ahoy, gorgeous!”
3. A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel on his pants. Bartender says, “What’s that?” Pirate says, “It’s driving me nuts!”
4. What do pirates do on Tinder? Swipe for booty.
5. My pirate boyfriend always says he’s “anchored to me.”
6. Why did the pirate get kicked out of the bar? He brought rum for everyone!
7. What’s a pirate’s favorite cocktail? A rum punch… with a punch!
8. Don’t play cards with pirates—they’re known to deck you.
9. My pirate date said I was the treasure he’s been searching for.
10. Why do pirates make bad chefs? Too salty.
11. Pirates and their exes? Let’s just say they always bury the hatchet.
12. What’s a pirate’s favorite yoga pose? Plank!

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🧒 Pirate Jokes for Kids

1. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? “Aye matey!”
2. How do pirates know they exist? They think, therefore they arrr!
3. Where do pirates keep their money? In a sand bank!
4. Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet? He kept getting stuck at C!
5. What do you call a pirate who skips class? Captain Hooky!
6. Why do pirates love school? They get to draw treasure maps.
7. What kind of socks do pirates wear? Arrrrgyle!
8. What’s a pirate’s favorite movie? “Booty and the Beast”!
9. What’s a pirate’s favorite animal? An arrrmadillo!
10. Why was the pirate bad at hide and seek? He was always spotted!
11. How do pirates say goodbye? Sea ya later!
12. Why do pirates never get lost? They follow the sea-ns!

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⛵ Short Pirate Jokes for Adults

1. What’s a pirate’s favorite pickup line? “You must be treasure—I’ve been searching forever!”
2. Why did the pirate bring a ladder to the bar? To reach the top shelf rum.
3. Ever seen a pirate cry? Only when the rum is gone.
4. What’s the difference between a pirate and a romantic? Nothing—they both look for hearts and gold!
5. How do pirates stay cool? With a sea breeze.
6. A pirate walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Long time no sea.”
7. What did the pirate say after a breakup? “I guess you were just my sea-sun.”
8. Why don’t pirates text? They prefer message in a bottle.
9. What’s a pirate’s gym routine? Mostly planks.
10. What does a pirate call his favorite dance? The jolly roger roll.
11. What do you call a lonely pirate? A sol-matey.
12. What’s a pirate’s favorite dessert? Rum cake!

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🧔‍♂️ Short Pirate Dad Jokes

1. I told my son a pirate joke. He said, “That’s sea-riously bad, Dad.”
2. What did Dad Pirate say before bedtime? “It’s time to anchor down, matey!”
3. Why did the dad pirate bring a map to dinner? To find the sauce island.
4. What’s Dad’s favorite pirate movie? Finding Dory’s Booty.
5. Why did the pirate get a promotion? He sailed through his work!
6. Pirate dads never lie—they just spin a tall tale.
7. What’s a pirate dad’s favorite breakfast? Cap’n Crunch, of course!
8. How do pirate dads keep kids in line? With a stern look.
9. Where do pirate dads take their kids? To the arrcade.
10. What’s a pirate dad’s favorite joke? The sea-sick one!
11. Why did the pirate dad take a nap? He was sea-sleepy.
12. What’s his bedtime song? “Row, Row, Row Yer Boat” but make it piratey!

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💘 Flirty Pirate Jokes

1. Are you a compass? Because I’m lost in your eyes, matey.
2. You must be treasure, ‘cause I’ve been searchin’ the seven seas.
3. Wanna see me shiver me timbers—in a good way?
4. I’d walk the plank if it meant a kiss from you.
5. My heart’s been plundered—by you.
6. You must be rum, ‘cause I’m feelin’ warm inside.
7. Call me captain, ‘cause I’ve found my first mate.
8. You’re the wind in my sails, darlin’.
9. Is your name X? Because I’ve found the spot.
10. I’d cross any ocean just to hear you say “Ahoy.”
11. This pirate’s got one goal—stealin’ your heart.
12. Forget the treasure—I’ve got everything with you.

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🔥 Dirty Pirate Jokes (Mild & Playful)

⚠️ These are PG-13 and cheeky, not crude.

1. What do pirates do behind closed doors? Swab the deck.
2. Why was the pirate late? Too much booty call!
3. What’s a pirate’s favorite bedtime activity? Plankin’.
4. He said he had a shipload of love to give.
5. Ever danced with a pirate? They always take the lead.
6. I told him to stop talking dirty—he said, “Can’t help it, lass.”
7. What do pirates dream of? Golden booty!
8. Why don’t pirates kiss and tell? They prefer sealed treasure chests.
9. What do pirates whisper in bed? “You complete me heart-y!”
10. Pirate love is deep… like the sea.
11. My pirate date said, “Let’s anchor down together.”
12. He asked if I wanted to hoist the sails—wink wink.

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🗣️ Pirate Jokes “Arrr!” Style

1. Arrr you kidding me right now?!
2. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it’s R, but it be the C!
3. I asked the pirate if he had a map. He said, “I don’t need one, I’ve got me sea-nse!”
4. This joke be rated Arrr!
5. Pirates don’t go to therapy—they just bury their feelings.
6. What’s a pirate’s worst fear? Running out of grog.
7. My pirate pal can’t stop saying “Arrr!” He’s got a verbal anchor.
8. “Arrr” you ready for this next one?
9. I told a joke. Pirate said, “Arrr… that be a groaner.”
10. Don’t trust pirates. They’re full of hooky nonsense.
11. “Arrr” is just pirate for LOL.
12. That pirate’s jokes? Pure treasure!

🏴‍☠️ Conclusion

Yo ho ho! Hope these pirate-themed jokes made your day brighter. From clean pirate jokes for kids to cheeky pirate puns for adults, we’ve covered all types of nautical humor.

Whether you’re telling them in class, at a birthday party, or just want to laugh, these jokes that make you shiver are sure to sail you into smiles. Got a favorite? Share it with your crew!