60+ Good Roasts and One-Liners for Everyone that Burn

There’s nothing like a good roast to spark laughter and win the moment. From funny roasts with friends to savage comebacks that sting, the right words can turn any chat into pure entertainment.

In this guide, we’ve packed a savage roasts list with witty one-liners, clever insults, and hilarious burns.

Whether you need 90 good roasts, 45 good roasts that rhyme, or even the 10 most savage roasts, this is your ultimate roast playbook.

Best Roasts and One-Liners for Any Situation

1. You bring everyone joy… when you leave the room.
2. Your secrets are safe with me. I never listen when you talk.
3. You have something that no one else has—bad decisions.
4. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
5. You’re like a software update—takes forever and changes nothing.
6. You’re proof that evolution can go in reverse.
7. You’re like a cloud—when you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
8. You remind me of gas prices—unreasonably high for no reason.
9. You have something in common with my savings account—both empty.
10. I’d call you sharp, but even a potato has more edge.
11. Your life is like math—full of problems no one wants to solve.
12. You’re like WiFi—always weak when needed most.
13. You’d lose hide and seek against a candle.
14. You’re like a broken clock—at least right twice a day.
15. Your personality is like a participation trophy—useless but there.

Funny Roasts for Friends That Keep It Playful

1. You’re like a vending machine—full of junk, but I still keep coming back.
2. I’d roast you harder, but I like my friends medium rare.
3. You’re like my alarm clock—annoying but impossible to live without.
4. You’re the reason WiFi signals drop—they get tired of your nonsense.
5. If laziness was a competition, you’d come second—because you wouldn’t even try to win.
6. You have a bright future… in being late.
7. You’re proof that procrastination can be a lifestyle.
8. You’re like my diet—always broken.
9. You’re like a snail on vacation—slow and unnecessary.
10. You bring balance to my life—like a malfunctioning elevator.
11. You’re not annoying… unless you’re awake.
12. You’re like my playlist—half bad, half tolerable.
13. You make bad decisions look like an art form.
14. You’re like a candle—burning out fast.
15. If roasting was a job, you’d still call in sick.

Savage Roasts That Actually Burn

1. You bring nothing to the table… except appetite.
2. Your fashion sense is a crime, and the fashion police are looking for you.
3. You’re like gas prices—people complain about you daily.
4. You have something in common with bad WiFi—nobody wants to connect with you.
5. You’re proof that participation trophies shouldn’t exist.
6. You’re like a politician—full of promises, delivering nothing.
7. You’re the human version of a broken GPS—always lost.
8. Your ideas are like diets—never work out.
9. You bring as much excitement as a snail race.
10. You’re like my sleep schedule—completely messed up.
11. If uselessness was an award, you’d have a trophy case.
12. You’re like a motivational speaker… without motivation.
13. You’re the WiFi signal of life—weak, unstable, and disappointing.
14. You’re like gas—expensive and unnecessary.
15. You’re like an unbalanced scale—completely off.

Short and Snappy One-Liners That Sting

1. You’re proof that even evolution makes mistakes.
2. You’re like a broken elevator—always bringing people down.
3. You’re like my bank account—empty.
4. You have less balance than my sleep schedule.
5. You’re like a bad haircut—hard to look at.
6. You’re like a politician before election—fake promises everywhere.
7. You’re the reason participation trophies exist.
8. You’re like my New Year’s resolutions—forgotten fast.
9. You’re like my old phone—slow and useless.
10. You’re a cloud—blocking sunshine.
11. You’re like a candle—burning out quickly.
12. You’re like a vending machine—takes money, gives nothing.
13. You’re like diet soda—fake and unnecessary.
14. You’re the human version of a buffering video.
15. You’re like a broken scale—off balance and pointless.

Clever Roasts for Social Media and Online Chats

1. You type like a snail texting in mittens.
2. You’re the human version of “loading…”
3. Your comments are like spam emails—annoying and ignored.
4. You’re like auto-correct—always wrong when it matters.
5. You’re like clickbait—disappointing when opened.
6. You’re the “404 error” of conversations.
7. You post like you’re allergic to common sense.
8. You’re like a selfie without a filter—better left unseen.
9. You’re the pop-up ad of my feed—unwanted.
10. You’re like a broken emoji—confusing and useless.
11. You’re like a chain message—outdated and annoying.
12. You’re like hashtags on Facebook—misplaced.
13. You’re like a muted story—nobody cares.
14. You’re like an old meme—irrelevant.
15. You’re like TikTok’s algorithm—unpredictable and annoying.

Clean and Friendly Roasts You Can Use Anywhere

1. You’re like a pencil without lead—pointless.
2. You’re like WiFi in the woods—nonexistent.
3. You’re the human version of decaf coffee—why bother?
4. You’re like a joke without a punchline.
5. You’re like an umbrella in a hurricane—useless.
6. You’re like a math test—nobody likes you.
7. You’re like a mirror in the dark—unnecessary.
8. You’re like a book with no pages—empty.
9. You’re like a flashlight with no batteries.
10. You’re the popcorn kernel that never pops.
11. You’re like a snail at a marathon—slow and out of place.
12. You’re like a button on an app—does nothing.
13. You’re like an empty fridge—disappointing.
14. You’re the human version of a traffic jam.
15. You’re like a soda without fizz—flat.

Brutal Roasts That Shut Down Haters

1. You’re like a motivational speaker who gave up.
2. You’re the human version of “low battery.”
3. You’re like my alarm clock—ignored every morning.
4. You’re like a broken pencil—still pointless.
5. You’re like a slow internet connection—frustrating.
6. You’re like a math problem—complicated and unnecessary.
7. You’re like junk mail—unwanted and deleted.
8. You’re like a candle in the wind—weak.
9. You’re like gas prices—always disappointing.
10. You’re like a potato—just there, doing nothing.
11. You’re like a broken elevator—never up.
12. You’re like my diet—failed again.
13. You’re like a savings account—always empty.
14. You’re the human version of a glitch.
15. You’re like bad WiFi—disconnecting when needed most.

Creative One-Liners for Everyday Banter

1. You’re like a live barbecue dish—always roasted.
2. You’re like a GPS that says, “recalculating” forever.
3. You’re like a candle—burning both ends with no light.
4. You’re like a broken vending machine—take, but never give.
5. You’re like an unfunny joke—painful to sit through.
6. You’re like a bad haircut—hard to ignore.
7. You’re like a traffic light stuck on red.
8. You’re like a snail in a race—going nowhere.
9. You’re like a broken scale—always wrong.
10. You’re like a snooze button—delaying life.
11. You’re like a survival show contestant—lost.
12. You’re like gas station sushi—nobody trusts you.
13. You’re like a useless app—taking up space.
14. You’re like a candle in daylight—pointless.
15. You’re like a cloud on vacation—never where needed.

How to Use Roasts Without Going Too Far

Roasting is meant to be funny, playful, and lighthearted. The key is knowing when to stop. Use funny roast ideas with friends, but avoid sensitive topics that hurt feelings. Think of it like a live barbecue dish—too much fire, and it burns.

Stick to lighthearted roasting, clever comebacks, and funny insults that keep the conversation entertaining without crossing the line.

Conclusion: Mastering the Art of the Perfect Roast

The best roasts mix humor, wit, and timing. Whether you’re pulling from this savage roasts list, tossing in 45 good roasts that rhyme, or searching for the 100 savage roasts that really burn, the goal is laughter, not harm.

With these funny replies and instant jokes, you’re ready to roast anyone like a pro. Remember: a good roast entertains, a savage comeback silences, but a funny one-liner is unforgettable.