154+ Texas Puns & Jokes That’ll Make You Chuckle

Welcome to the ultimate collection of Texas humor that’s as big as the Lone Star State itself! Whether you’re a proud Texan or just appreciate Southern charm, these Texas puns & jokes will have you laughing faster than a tumbleweed rolling through the ranch. 

From cowboy boots to BBQ, we’ve rounded up humor that celebrates everything Texas-sized about this magnificent state. So grab your Stetson, settle in with some sweet tea, and prepare for Texas-themed comedy that’ll leave you with a genuine Southern drawl of laughter!

1. Hilarious Texas Puns & Jokes That Will Have You Saying “Yeehaw!”

1. I asked why Texas has so many windmills. They said it’s because Texans are big fans!
2. What do you call a cowboy who’s lost his horse? Un-stable!
3. In Texas, they don’t call it “falling” in love—they call it “lasso-ing” your heart!
4. My Texan friend is writing a Western-style novel about horses. It’s quite the epic saga!
5. Texas is known for its BBQ because they know how to raise the steaks!
6. A Texan’s favorite yoga position? The Longhorn stretch!
7. I tried to compliment a Texan on his big belt buckle, but he thought I was just Texas-ing him!
8. Why don’t cowboys use umbrellas? They prefer getting Stetson by the rain!
9. What do you call a cowboy mathematician? A Texas calculator!
10. The oil business in Texas is always a crude subject.
11. Why did the armadillo cross the road in Texas? To prove he had Texan courage!
12. I made a joke about Texas weather, but it was too dry.
13. Texas-sized tip: Never play hide and seek with a Texan—they have so much land, you’ll never find them!
14. What do Texans call a small BBQ party? A regular-sized gathering!
15. How do cowboy boots communicate? With Western slang and a whole lot of southern sass!

2. Top 25 Texas Puns & Jokes to Share at Your Next Barbecue

1. How do you measure a Texan’s ego? In Texas-sized portions!
2. Why are Texas maps larger than other states’? Everything’s drawn to scale!
3. What does a Texas computer say? “Howdy, world!”
4. Texans don’t go to the doctor—they just rub some mesquite on it and walk it off!
5. What’s a Texan’s favorite breakfast? Tex-Mex marks the spot!
6. I wanted to tell you a joke about Texas BBQ, but it might be too spicy!
7. What do you call a cowboy who’s a terrible singer? A yodel-“oh-no”!
8. How many Texans does it take to change a light bulb? Just one—they hold it up and wait for the world to revolve around them!
9. Why don’t Texans play hide and seek? Because nobody wants to look for hours and hours!
10. How do Texans exercise? By jumping to Texas-sized conclusions!
11. What happens when you cross a Texan with a librarian? You get someone who tells you to “Y’all be quiet!”
12. I’d tell you a Texas-sized joke, but I’m afraid you wouldn’t get deep in the heart of it.
13. What’s a Texan’s favorite karaoke song? “Deep in the Heart of Texas“—on repeat!
14. Why do Texans make terrible secret agents? They can’t help telling tall tales!
15. Texans don’t need GPS—they’re already where everyone wants to be!
16. What do you call a Texan in a three-piece suit? Over-dressed!
17. Why did the Texan bring a ladder to the bar? To raise the roof!
18. When a Texan says “it’s just down the road,” prepare for a two-hour drive.
19. What’s the difference between a Texan and a canoe? A canoe sometimes tips!
20. How do Texans say goodbye? “See y’all later… or maybe tomorrow… or next week… actually, let’s keep talking!”
21. A Texan’s favorite game? One-Texasmanship!
22. What’s a Texan’s idea of social distancing? Standing only two horses apart!
23. Why don’t Texans use bookmarks? They prefer Texas-dog earring the pages!
24. I was going to make a small Texas joke, but then I remembered—nothing’s small in Texas!
25. How do Texans trim their Stetsons? With Texas precision!

3. Laugh-Out-Loud Texas Puns & Jokes About the Lone Star State

1. What do you call a Texan who ran out of gas? A slow buckaroo!
2. Why does Texas have so many lakes? Because all the cowboy boots keep leaving footprints!
3. How do Texans cut their brisket? With Texas-sized precision and a side of Texan pride!
4. What’s smaller than Texas? Texas’s level of modesty!
5. Why don’t Texans ever tell knock-knock jokes? They prefer to kick the door down and yell “Howdy!”
6. How hot is it in Texas? So hot that the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs!
7. What do you call someone who steals cowboy hats in Texas? A Stetson thief!
8. Texans don’t need therapy—they just talk to their horses!
9. What’s a Texan’s worst nightmare? Running out of BBQ sauce during a brisket cook-off!
10. Why do Texans excel at telling jokes? They have a natural Texan drawl for storytelling!
11. How can you tell if someone’s from Texas? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you within five minutes!
12. What’s a Texan’s favorite periodic element? Tex-as!
13. Why don’t Texans play monopoly? Because real Texans own real ranches!
14. How many Texans does it take to eat a brisket? One, but they’ll invite the whole state!
15. What’s a Texan’s favorite highway? Any road that stays in Texas!

4. Family-Friendly Texas Puns & Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

1. What did the cowboy say to his cactus? “You’re looking sharp today!”
2. Why couldn’t the Texas chili win the cooking contest? It refused to bean second place!
3. What’s a cowboy’s favorite type of math? Rodeo addition!
4. How do Texan kids greet their friends? “Howdy, partner!”
5. Why did the tumbleweed go to therapy? It had trouble putting down roots in Texas!
6. What do you call a small Texas hat? A Stetson-ette!
7. Why are Texas libraries so hard to find books in? Everything’s filed under “Texas is the Best”!
8. What’s a Texan’s favorite nursery rhyme? “Twinkle, Twinkle, Lone Star State!”
9. Why did the armadillo wear cowboy boots? He wanted to fit in with Texan fashion!
10. How do Texas cows say hello? “Moo-dy, partner!”
11. What’s a Texan child’s favorite game? “Texas-sized Hide and Go Seek” (it takes days to finish)!
12. Why did the Texan bring a pencil to bed? To draw the Lone Star when they dream!
13. How do Texan schools teach geography? “There’s Texas, and then there’s everywhere else!”
14. What does a young cowboy call his stuffed horse toy? His saddle buddy!
15. Why couldn’t the Texas flag play cards? Because it was always showing its Lone Star!

5. Clever Texas Puns & Jokes That Perfectly Capture Southern Humor

1. Texans don’t need self-help books—they were born with Texas-sized confidence!
2. What’s the difference between a Texan and a mirror? The mirror reflects before it speaks!
3. In Texas, “rush hour” means the cows are running late to the ranch!
4. How do Texans handle a crisis? With Texan logic: “Hold my sweet tea and watch this!”
5. Why don’t Texans need big suitcases? Their Texas pride is all they pack!
6. What’s a Texan’s favorite exercise? Jumping to colossal conclusions!
7. Texans don’t break promises—they’re too busy breaking records!
8. Why are Texas handshakes so firm? They’re making sure you’re not from Oklahoma!
9. What’s the most dependable thing in Texas? A Texan’s opinion about Texas!
10. How do you make a Texan speechless? Tell them another state has better BBQ!
11. What’s a Texan’s idea of a short drive? Anything under three hours!
12. Why do Texans make good friends? Their Texan hospitality is as reliable as their Southern drawl!
13. How can you identify a Texan tourist? They’re the ones explaining how everything’s bigger back home!
14. What do you call a Texan without an opinion? Nonexistent!
15. How do Texans cut cake? With Texas-sized slices and absolutely no sharing!

6. Texas Puns & Jokes That Even Locals Can’t Help But Chuckle At

1. What’s the official Texan morning greeting? “Is it hot enough for y’all yet?”
2. How do Texans measure distance? “About two Whataburger stops away.”
3. What’s a Texan’s favorite dance? The Texas Two-Step Ahead of Everyone Else!
4. Why are Texans never lost? Because they’re always right where they want to be—in Texas!
5. What’s the Texan version of “knocking on wood”? Tapping your cowboy boots twice!
6. In Texas, they don’t say “see you later”—they say “y’all come back now, you hear?”
7. How do Texans start their cars? They whisper “Don’t mess with Texas” to the engine.
8. Why don’t Texans need alarm clocks? The roosters know better than to sleep in!
9. What did the Texan say when asked about the weather? “If you don’t like it, wait five minutes or drive 50 miles!”
10. How do Texans answer the phone? “Yeehaw, who’s this?”
11. What’s a Texan’s favorite constellation? The Lone Star, of course!
12. Why do Texans make terrible secret keepers? Everything they know is too big not to share!
13. How many armadillos does it take to cross a Texas highway? None—they’re too smart to try!
14. What’s a Texan’s idea of a traffic jam? Having to slow down for a herd of longhorns!
15. How do Texans express surprise? “Well butter my brisket!”

7. Western-Themed Texas Puns & Jokes That Are Bigger Than Life

1. How do cowboys stay cool in Texas? They stand in the longhorn shade!
2. What’s a cowboy’s favorite type of pasta? Lasso-gna!
3. Why don’t Texans get lost in thought? It’s unfamiliar territory with no Stetsons around!
4. What do you call a cowboy with a bad attitude in Texas? Normal!
5. How do Texans end an email? “Y’all click that send button now, partner!”
6. What’s the difference between a Texan talking and a Texan exaggerating? Nothing!
7. Why did the tumbleweed go to college? To get a degree in Texas rolling!
8. What’s a cowboy’s favorite music streaming service? Spurs-ify!
9. How does a Texas GPS give directions? “Drive straight, then turn at the big cactus… you know the one!”
10. What do Texan ghosts say? “Boo, y’all!”
11. Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund? He wanted to get a long little doggie!
12. How do Texans show affection? With big gestures and even bigger words!
13. What’s a Texan whisper? A normal person’s outdoor voice!
14. Why can’t you stargaze in Texas? You can only see the Lone Star!
15. How do Texans fix anything? With barbecue sauce and determination!

8. Texas Puns & Jokes: The Ultimate Collection for Lone Star Lovers

1. What do you call a Texan philosopher? Someone with Texas-sized thoughts!
2. How many Texans does it take to start a conversation? Just one—the rest of us can’t get a word in!
3. What happens when you give a Texan a compliment? They say, “Well, bless your heart!”
4. How do Texans define a “small gathering”? Fewer than 50 people and only three brisket trays!
5. What’s a Texan’s version of a diet? Eating BBQ only five days a week!
6. Why don’t Texans need math? Everything is already Texas-sized!
7. What’s a Texan’s favorite part of a book? The Texas-sized print!
8. How can you identify a Texan’s house? It’s the one with the Texas flag, Texas-shaped pool, and Texas-shaped welcome mat!
9. What’s a Texan’s idea of winter clothing? A lighter cowboy hat!
10. Why do Texans make good storytellers? They’ve had years of practice describing Texas to non-Texans!
11. What’s the difference between a Texan and a recording? The recording eventually stops talking!
12. How do Texans cut pizza? They don’t—they fold the whole thing into a Texas-sized taco!
13. What’s the Texan version of “keep it simple”? Make it Texas-sized instead!
14. Why do Texans never play hide and seek in corn mazes? They’re too used to seeing clearly for miles across the plains!
15. How do Texans decorate their homes? With at least 17 items shaped like Texas!

9. Unforgettable Texas Puns & Jokes That Celebrate State Pride

1. What’s the Texan version of a short story? A 12-hour tall tale!
2. What happens when Texans try to be humble? They fail Texas-sized!
3. How does a Texan greet another Texan abroad? “What part of heaven are y’all from?”
4. What’s a Texan’s favorite movie genre? Anything with “Texas” in the title!
5. Why don’t Texans need sunglasses? Their Texas pride is all the shade they need!
6. How do Texans show affection? They say “You’re almost as great as Texas!”
7. What’s a Texan’s idea of camping? Staying at a hotel without room service!
8. Why do Texans make terrible secret agents? Their cowboy boots and Stetsons give them away!
9. How do you get a Texan to do something? Tell them someone from Oklahoma said they couldn’t!
10. What’s a Texan’s favorite math problem? Calculating how much bigger Texas is than [insert any other state]!
11. Why don’t Texans ever admit they’re wrong? It’s against the Texas constitution!
12. How do you confuse a Texan? Put them in a round room and tell them to stand in the corner!
13. What’s a Texan’s favorite hobby? Comparing things to the size of Texas!
14. How do Texans avoid getting lost? They remember that all roads eventually lead back to Texas!
15. What did the cowboy say after buying a new house? “This ranch is my Home on the Range!”

10. Quick-Witted Texas Puns & Jokes That Will Make You Smile

1. What do you call a sophisticated cowboy? Texas elegant!
2. How many Texans does it take to tell a joke? One to tell it and ten to explain why it’s bigger and better in Texas!
3. What’s a Texan’s favorite board game? Texas Hold ‘Em—they never fold!
4. Why do Texans make good astronomers? They’re experts at seeing stars at night!
5. What’s a Texan’s least favorite phrase? “Size doesn’t matter.”
6. How do Texans cut their birthday cakes? In the shape of Texas, obviously!
7. What happens when you ask a Texan for directions? You get a history lesson about every building you’ll pass!
8. Why don’t Texans need air conditioning? Their Texas-sized confidence creates a cooling effect!
9. What’s smaller than a Texan’s humility? Nothing!
10. How can you tell if a joke was written by a Texan? It involves something being “bigger,” “better,” or “the best” in Texas!
11. What’s a Texan’s favorite exercise? Lifting their Texas pride (it’s quite heavy)!
12. Why do Texans make good actors? They’ve been dramatically saying “y’all” their whole lives!
13. What’s a Texan’s idea of foreign food? Anything not covered in BBQ sauce!
14. How do Texans apologize? “I’m as sorry as a windless day in the Panhandle!”
15. What do you call a Texan with no opinions about BBQ? A transplant!

Conclusion

Thank you for joining us on this hilarious journey through the very best Texas puns & jokes! We hope these quips have given you a genuine taste of Texan humor and southern charm that’s as satisfying as Texas BBQ on a warm summer evening. 

Whether you’re sharing these jokes at your next brisket cook-off, using them as funny Texas Instagram captions, or just enjoying some Lone Star State humor on your own, remember that Texas-sized laughs are always worth sharing! 

As Texans would say, “Y’all come back now” for more country jokes and Texas-themed comedy that celebrates the epic spirit of the great state of Texas!